Away I Go...

I rewatched Away We Go today, a movie I love and am amazed I don't own.  There is something about it that, for as sad as it can be, retains such a hopeful air to me...something I actually am able to draw encouragement from when it comes to family.  Which is very characteristic of Dave Egger's work, it doesn't suprise me his screenplay has that same real yet romaticized tinge to it; Things are broken, but they seek to carve out a space where they don't have to remain as such.

Today, for the first time, admidst my physical and emotion rubble, I realized life doesn't have to be like this.  Sure, there are things you can't really control in life--like the family baggage you are dealt (divorces, remairages, and others' addictions and actions or inactions etc.).  But I can go wherever I want.  I can get out of here, I can leave this place.  I can breathe out there on my own and grow into the sort of person I want to be.  Like a walkabout.  I think I need a walkabout.  I think I need to go somewhere other.

My good friend John I haven't seen in a while asked me, convictingly, when am I going out of the country?  Which sounds small to some people, but it is everything I've ever wanted to me.  He knows that.  He knows I thrive in that with different scenery and experiences and people.  I thrive when i'm pushed out of my element.  I'm in my element out of my element.  I grow from that.  I explore through food and culture and art and I want to run everywhere and do everything.
 I want to leave before I get sucked in and tied down into something I don't want to be.
I don't want to settle.  I don't want to sell out.  I don't want to wonder seven years from now why I've never left the one place I've ever lived in my life.  I think it's time for something new.



Song Of The Moment:  Why Try To Change Me Now - Fiona Apple (The Best Is Yet to Come - The Songs of Cy Coleman)

I don't know why, but I could listen to this cover endlessly on repeat, and I do.  The first line might be the best opening line of any song ever.  It's the type of song you walk at midnight to.